maandag

They are programming me.

 Time to sleep! (this woman has the voice of a woman my parents told me is dead, I'm certain that they were lying) (woman was outside, somewhere in the distance)


(I heard this voice before. I recognize a well known Dutch lawyer. He is sitting in the room beneath me.

(in a condescending manner) Yes. Yes. It's good. It's good.

Good! Good! Yes!

Some time later: Very good, very good.

Murmer. 

(They talked as though my parents talked to me when I was very young)

(I know they planned something, the two are working together. I feel weary. I don't want to go to bed, because I don't want them to say that I have to go to bed, and then go to bed. They know all the mistakes my parents made. The woman, Jon, or someone that sounds a lot like her, knows I slept too much and my parents put to much emphasis on sleep. The man knows that I dislike doing what I'm told. I'm scared and realize that it's unhealthy for me to go to bed now. The last time they were here, it ended it a catastrophe. The doorbell has ringed this afternoon. I thought I was pretty safe, but now I see my chances diminishing suddenly. I think that my parents will ring in a couple of days, that they will have a psychiatrist with them, and that they are going to talk me into opening, and if that doesn't work, they'll threaten to get the police and ram open the door. Up till now I thought I was safe from the police ramming my door. The excuse they will make is that I would be unable to feed myself. It's a lie. They don't believe that. I know for sure because basically everything my parents say is a lie. They are completely and utterly dishonest, unhuman.)

It's difficult to fathom the level of immorality, and not to think in terms of punishment.

They want to lock me up because I'm a political enemy. They are going to literally make me insane. At some point I'm going to believe I'm insane. If will have wasted months of my life, but it good also go much worse. In the hospitals they take you to are no rules and no oversight, they work completely outside the law. But in a manner that no one will notice. They lie in their rapports. They deceive. They deceive constantly, and they set things up well in advance. They'll know you make the association with police, they will decorate the isolation cell in such a way that it looks like a police cell, the first time you enter. They put a 'lichtkrant', a light with words, above your bead, that has the time. They put luxaflex in front of the window, they hide the garden that's beneath, and make it look like there's a room behind the window, so you're being watched by police officers. They tell you nothing about whether there's cameras or microphones, you only see something that you can talk in.

Geen opmerkingen:

Een reactie plaatsen